That's Why I L- That's Why You're You
by ShepardFan
Summary: The aftermath of season 2, of Lexa's betrayal. Will try to stick to season 3 as much as possible but will probably sway away from it. See how the two come to terms with everything that happened from mount weather and everything that is going to happen in the future!
1. End It All

I'm back! Sorry, I've been gone for so long! Now onto more stories! I have big ideas planned for this story and should have frequent updates. This chapters a little slow and is a little taster to get back into writing but I'd be grateful if you give it a chance:)

Enjoy!

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Everything's dripping with the Ice's frost, making the trees and leaves sparkle in white. The floor crunched under Clarke's shoes with every step she took, with the wind forcing trees to arch from the force. Not that Clarke noticed. Her thoughts were still succumbed to the gory images of Mount Weather. With every detail memorised into Clarke's conscious from the continuous replaying of the aftermath. Clarke Griffin had been trekking the woods for 4 weeks, well she assumed so but had lost sense of time apart from sunlight and moonlight. She was numb to the world, ignoring the freezing temperatures of Earth's winter and the almost background sound of her stomach rumbling. She couldn't remember the last time she ate, but she didn't care. Why should she eat and prolong her life when she had murdered and ended the lives of innocent people that included the naïve and oblivious children.

Would she ever be ready to return to her people? Would she be ready to face the people she saved? Not yet. She'll continue on the endless walk to nowhere. Clarke's head became sweaty from the everlasting memories and flashbacks but she had got used to this. She had almost learned to make them less painful, slowing her breathing Clarke dropped against a nearby tree and let her head roll back, focusing on the white sky. She hadn't seen the sky appear like a white blanket before. She knew she had to set up for the night, the last glimpse of the sun suggested that it was going to be nightfall soon, a very cold and bitter night. But she didn't care, she didn't want luxuries like warmth or food, she just wanted to succumb to sleep. Her breathing slowed, so she allowed herself to close her eyes, only to make the images all more vivid. Perhaps it was going to be a sleepless night once again. Her body begged for rest but her mind was pulled into memories again. One particular memory floated to the surface, of a young girl around 7 years of age, clutching a battered teddy on the floor of Mount Weather. Her eyes still open as she must've witnessed the scene before she herself died, as the look of fear still lingered in the young girls eyes. The sparkle of life was gone from the emerald eyes.

Clarke began to rock back and forth, her head banging against the tree she leaned so heavily on. Her eyes clenched shut as her methods of remaining calm failed in a futile attempt. Her head grew light from the rapid breaths she was releasing, knowing all too well she needed to slow and regulate her breathing. But nothing was happening. Nothing worked and Clarke began to feel the weight of the gun in her pocket. Perhaps there was only one real way of stopping everything, perhaps she can escape the ground and her own thoughts. She reached into her pocket hurriedly and opened her eyes to check she still had rounds in her magazine. With 2 rounds still in there, she reinserted the magazine and pushed the pistol to her head. Clarke's last thoughts were of her mother and father hugging one night she had come home from school on the ark, then shifting to images of the 100 laughing and playing their usual card game while drinking Monty's moonshine, but lastly of Lexa. The look of pure vulnerability she had shown when before and after she kissed the blonde. Her slight smile and eyes full of longing and concern were installed within the blonde's head. Despite the Commander betraying her, she was still included within her most memorable memories. Clarke couldn't blame her for her actions, she would've done the same. These are the moments she found precious and these are the memories she wants to see lastly, before she leaves the horrors of this world. Clarke pressed the trigger slowly but she didn't feel the immense pain she had thought, instead she felt the sharp pain in hit her ribs.

"Clarke!"

Realising she'd been elbowed in the ribs before being able to pull the trigger. Clarke looked up towards the sound, to where she saw a figure standing in front of her. She locked onto the green eyes she had memorised all too well.

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Made a few corrections to this chapter. So, this just touches on Clarke's issues and we all need Clexa in our lives after the actions of Jason.. Review if you'd like, wouldn't mind some feedback:)


	2. Words spoken

Please review, wouldn't mind to know what you guys think:)

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"Lexa?" Clarke shouted, voice dripping with venom. How dare Lexa find me, how dare she not allow me to end it. The commander didn't say anything other than snatching the gun from the younger blonde. Clarke made a futile attempt to latch onto the pistol, but having no energy from lack of sleep and lack of food made her weak. The commander would easily over-power her and Clarke had lost all fight. Perhaps she should just curl into a ball on the ground and hope that she would just slip into oblivion. Her thoughts were interrupted by the growl Lexa made, when the brunette glanced at Clarke who was staring at the frozen ground.

"What do you want Lexa? You can't just find me, stop me from ending it all and then take my gun away. You don't get to make decisions for me anymore." Lexa winced, she knew Clarke was going to be angry but it didn't stop the hurt she felt at Clarke's bitter voice. But she couldn't appear like it's affecting her. She's the commander.

"I'm not going to let you waste your life away, Clarke. You deserve much more than this end." Clarke almost laughed to herself, she deserved better than death?

"You may not believe so Clarke, but I know so. You're a true leader, you saved your people."

Clarke eyed the commander recognising the earnest in the brunette's eyes.

"Leave me alone, Lexa." Clarke stated as she faced away from the commander.

"Not until you agree to let me help you." Seeing that Clarke was about to protest, the commander quickly added "or at least let me cook your dinner tonight."

Clarke just wanted to be left alone, especially away from the person who made her feel like this in the first place, but she knew it was almost futile to argue against the brunette so she let her win this one; it's only for tonight. Clarke wouldn't mind letting her body indulge in one nights worth of food.

Clarke watched as Lexa stood up and walked away from the blonde, not far enough that Clarke couldn't see her but far enough that the blonde couldn't hear her. She let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. Why was she allowing Lexa to help her? It's been 4 weeks since Clarke left her people, and she was still hurting from the events at the mountain. But yet she's letting the commander help her. Why?

Twigs can be heard snapping as Lexa retuned to Clarke, the deliberate sound made to bring Clarke out of her thoughts, to make her aware that the brunette has returned. Clarke watched as Lexa placed the twigs on top of each other methodically, as if she does this every day without thought. She probably does, she is a grounder who's been born to this way of life.

Lexa turned her body towards the blonde, catching each other's eyes as Lexa stood.

"I'm going to hunt, stay here." The commander stated almost as a request to Clarke knowing she won't follow well to commands at the minute. Clarke nodded as Lexa reached into her bag and pulled out a blanket in which she layed out next to Clarke. Lexa eyed Clarke, almost pleadingly to have the blonde use the blanket whether to sit on due to the wet ground or to wrap herself within. Clarke sighed and fidgeted onto the blanket making the commander feel a slight wave of relief, like she was getting somewhere. Before leaving, the commander bent over the stacked up wood and within minutes a fire was crackling. Clarke wondered how she managed to start the fire so quickly, but instead she was too weak to even formulate words. With one final glance, Lexa ran into the tree line. Clarke rested her head on the ground, facing the roaring of the fire. The warmth rushing to her cold face and fingers. She should be prepared more for the winter but she didn't care. She didn't plan on surviving this long. The fire started to reflect the noises of screams. Clarke couldn't shake the sounds and images from her head of the innocent people in the mountain. Images of people grabbing at their own necks as they cannot breathe while dropping to the floor. There was too much blood, too much death. She thought back to when she burned 300 of Lexa's warriors alive back at the drop ship. Too much blood, too much pain. Clarke closed her eyes shut as her breathing began to increase, she could feel her blood pumping. She used to have control of these attacks, was it Lexa's presence that made them worse? Before long, she could feel the presence of someone kneeling in front of her. Soft hands cupped her face, while the thumb stroked the tears away.

"Breathe, Clarke."

Clarke couldn't hear much, nothing more than the piercing screams. Lexa wasn't getting through to Clarke and Lexa knew that all too well.

"It is okay, you are safe Clarke, now breathe." The soft and concerned voice started to break away Clarke's barrier.

"Breathe, Clarke."

And Clarke did, she reached out blindly still having her eyes closed, to where her palm found the chest of Lexa's. The brunette did not say anything, she only continued to stoke the blonde's hair as Clarke used her palm so she could imitate the brunette's breathing herself.

Gradually, Clarke's breathing began to return to normal. To which Clarke removed her hand from Lexa's chest, and Lexa sighed and stood up. Clarke hasn't noticed the rabbit she placed by the fire until now, her stomach growled even louder at the sight of food. Lexa frowned slightly as she heard the blonde's stomach growl. Curious, worried.

"What have you been eating for the past couple of weeks?" Lexa asked.

Clarke looked up at the commander as the brunette looked down at her, a serious expression on her face, Clarke didn't think she could lie, Lexa would only find out.

"Berries." Clarke replied, truthfully.

Lexa frowned even more at the answer, "not any meat?" The blonde just shook her head at the commander as she turned away and began skinning the rabbit at once.

Again Clarke watched the commander work, how had she been able to calm Clarke down? How come she found her touch so soothing on her face? Deep down she missed her, deep down she missed the worried commander.

Lexa began to roast the rabbit on top of the fire.

"Why did you leave your people, Clarke?" The blonde didn't expect such an abrupt question, that she swallowed slowly.

Silence filled the air before Clarke replied, "I couldn't face them, their faces. I couldn't see them." Lexa understood, she knew what Clarke had to do at the mountain. She had felt this way a long time ago, after her first war as commander, she couldn't look at her people without being reminded and now that is what the sky leader is doing.

"Perhaps, you could return to Polis with me? I know I said I'd only ensure you eat tonight but I want to make sure you're safe." Lexa asked hesitantly as she twisted the rabbit.

"Why would I? You left me Lexa. You left me to die, why do you care that I'm safe?"

Again, Lexa winced at the blonde's words. They were harsh but true, she just hoped the blonde would understand.

"I had to do what's right for my people, Clarke. You would've done the same."

Perhaps the commander was right. Clarke would've done the same, perhaps that is why the sky leader is tolerating the commander right now.

"I just need to know, did it hurt for you to leave me?" The blonde asked in return. She needed to know. The brunette removed the rabbit from the fire and turned to face Clarke. The pain and hurt Clarke could see when the two girls caught each others' eyes, made her heart expand. Lexa nodded and ripped a bit off a bit of meat from the rabbit, handing it to Clarke. Clarke received the piece of meat and ate it before Lexa had even ripped her own piece off. Lexa smile at this, she was glad Clarke was beginning to look after herself, although she wanted the blonde to do so for her entire life. She had to work on that. The commander handed Clarke another piece, still before having her own piece. Clarke noticed this. Even a little action, yet it represented her care for Clarke on a higher level, than giving the girl more meat. She noticed how the commander genuinely seemed to care for her, but the hurt still lingered.

"I'm sorry," Lexa blurted out after finally eating her own piece. "I do care, Clarke." That is what Clarke needed to hear, needed to know if she was actually sorry or if this show of concern was through guilt. Clarke only nodded as she laid down on the blanket.

"Lay with me?" Clarke asked into the now pitch darkness. Her voice sounded small as she had asked the girl to lay with her. She needed the presence of someone who understands her, of someone who can protect her. She needed a restful night sleep and she knew she would have an attempt at it if Lexa was to join her. The Commander rose from sitting on the ground and laid herself next to the blonde. Not close enough to touch but close enough for each lady to receive comfort from the warmth radiating off each other. Clarke closed her eyes, relinquishing in this moment. The commander was looking at Clarke, ensuring she was okay with the distance between them, ensuring that she would be able to sleep, that she was safe. The commanders eyes' grew heavy as she heard the blonde's breathing become slow and regulative. So she allowed herself to sleep next to the most important person she has in her life, Clarke Griffin.


	3. Come With Me

Another update! It may be weaker than the last chapter because I was tired when I wrote this, also there may be mistakes! Again, reviews are loved, wouldn't mind feedback:)

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Clarke awoke on her own, she sighed at the loss of presence that was behind her all night. She hated to admit it, but that presence gave her the comfort she needed, gave her the strength to sleep through the night without awakening to the occurring nightmares. She can't remember the last night she had just slept through to sunrise. She could get used to sleeping through the night. Clarke rose, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She couldn't see any sight of the commander, perhaps she left her, perhaps this was all a fake show. The fire had gone out through the night so she decided to start a new one. Once she stretched her legs, she walked to the tree line with almost purpose. How a full night of sleep, and some food in her stomach can change that. After gathering what seemed like enough twigs, Clarke returned to her hasty camp. Well, a blanket on the floor and a burnt out fire so perhaps not a camp. Clarke threw away the remains of the last fire and instead replaced with fresh twigs, mimicking Lexa's actions last night.

Crunching could be heard from the other side of the tree line. Was it an animal? Was she being hunted? Relief struck her as she saw the familiar face of the girl who sends her heart rate erratic, the girl who makes her feel calm just with the presence. The blonde sighed, it wasn't just a fake show of care. Last night was real. Lexa looked towards the blonde and smiled as she examined the sky leader.

"You look well today." The commander observed, relieved that Clarke didn't appear as weak as she had been for the couple of weeks in the wilderness, and instead started to show the strength she possesses. Lexa knew it was only a small step to getting better, but nevertheless Clarke was improving.

Clarke noticed that again, Lexa was carrying a rabbit to her side, she had gone hunting. "You went hunting." It was statement, not a question.

"I did, I'm sorry. I thought I'd return before you woke." The brunette replied, "I hope you did not think I would just leave you without saying goodbye." Clarke swallowed, she had thought that. She shifted her eyes away from the brunette, feeling partially guilty.

"I would not leave you, before announcing my departure. I don't want to leave you." The brunette admitted, her Lexa side appearing to the blonde. Clarke was sure she was one of the selective few who got to see Lexa like this, her caring and affectionate side. But Lexa continued on, before allowing Clarke to reply. "But I know I have to, we had only agreed I make sure you ate last night. I'm sorry, if you think I overstayed my welcome. I just wanted to make sure you had enough food for today." Lexa just wanted to stay for as long as she could, she wouldn't forget laying beside Clarke last night. Lexa bent down towards the fire, lighting it for the struggling Clarke, who had been attempting to start it since Lexa arrived.

"I should be on my way now, Clarke. Before my people notice my absence." Lexa glanced towards the blonde, who had almost froze, unsure of what to say. She didn't want the brunette to leave, she hated to admit it, but Lexa understood her. She wasn't used to being speechless, it was only Lexa who could make her so quiet. Clarke looked up at the brunette, looking into the emerald eyes she loved so much. Clarke nodded, knowing the commander has her duties, she's probably lucky she got away for a night. The commander stood up, one last look at the blonde and turned away. Lexa was hurting, she felt like her heart was pushing out of her chest. She wanted to stay with the sky leader, so much. Perhaps in another life, she thought. Lexa walked away quickly, knowing she had to walk fast in fear of never being able to leave this girl who made her question everything.

"Wait!" Clarke shouted to Lexa, able to use her voice at last. The commander froze, back still turned to the blonde.

"I'll come to Polis with you." The blonde gulped, nervous on the brunette's response. Perhaps it was too late, the offer was gone. Perhaps Lexa didn't want her to come back with her.

But the brunette, turned to face the blonde, a small smile etched across her lips.

"We should cook breakfast before we leave." The brunette wasn't bothered about eating herself, but if Clarke was going to join her on the 3 day walk, the blonde needed to eat.

Clarke nodded and sat on the blanket still placed next to the fire. Lexa started to skin the rabbit, repeating the actions of last night.

"What's Polis like?" The blonde asked, curious as to why the commander was so insistent on Clarke going.

"It is the Capitol. It is very different to anywhere you've probably seen, Clarke. It'll make you view us differently. We're not just savages." The brunette wanted to justify everything, to make sure that Clarke knew they weren't like that all the time, that was war. They are still humans.

Clarke reached her hand onto the blonde's, stilling the brunette's movements as she was skinning the rabbit. "I know you're not." The blonde looked into her eyes, hoping that Lexa can see how honest she was being. Lexa's heart skipped a beat, she didn't believe this moment was happening, especially after the events at the mountain. Perhaps there's still a chance, and she knew she could help this blonde get better. She's going to Polis with her. Now Lexa can focus on the blonde, they deserve it.


	4. The Capitol

The next instalment, Lexa and Clarke arrive at Polis. Enjoy!

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The walk to Polis was a long one. Not that Clarke had much sense of time but from having camped for 2 nights while walking to Polis, makes Clarke believe they've been travelling for 2, almost 3 days.

"How long until we're there?" Clarke asked aloud, curious of when she'll arrive at the grounder Capitol.

"A couple of hours." Lexa replied. "You can just make out the figures in the distance of the buildings." Lexa continued while pointing ahead. Clarke followed her hand, and did indeed see some outlines of buildings. One in particular, towering over the others.

"Wow," Clarke stated in Awe. She hadn't realised that buildings were still on this Earth, especially as tall as these because of the nuclear war.

2 hours went by, and Clarke and Lexa appeared at the main gate. Large 10ft walls, surrounding the contents of the Capitol, a good defensive note, the Blonde noted.

 _"Open the gate!"_ The commander shouted. Within 30 seconds, the gate raised up, allowing the commander and her companion entrance to the grounder Capitol.

Clarke began to feel nervous, she didn't know what to expect. So far, the commander was relieved no one but the soldiers on the gate had noticed her by all exclaiming 'Heda', once she entered the Capitol.

However, the public within the Capitol were not unaware of the commander's presence for long. After all, Lexa was the commander of the 12 clans. It comes with the title.

Clarke followed Clarke and didn't fail to notice the stares from the public, both Lexa and her received. She heard continuous mutterings of a phrase 'Wanheda' and mentally made a note to herself to ask Lexa the meaning later.

Lexa led Clarke to the tallest building in Polis, to which Clarke was just staring at, taking in its height and structure. The commander smiled at the blonde and gently tugged Clarke's sleeve, a little push to continue on inside. Hopefully Polis would help the younger girl. Lexa and Clarke walked on, Lexa still had more to show Clarke. Clarke and Lexa reached a room, on the 52nd floor.

"This is my room." The brunette stated. Clarke didn't know what to reply, as she was a little confused as to why Lexa would bring her to her room. Surely there's enough room within the building that she could have her own room?

Lexa entered the room, with Clarke following behind a second later. Clarke didn't know what she was going to expect, but she hadn't thought of this. There was a Large bed that could fit at least four people within, a desk to the side of the room with maps splayed out across it, as well as a door to what Clarke believed must be the bathroom. But what caught the blonde's attention the most, was the door that led to a ledge. She thought that these used to be called balconies. She slowly walked over to the door and opened it, taking a step outside. Now she was in awe. She had never dreamt about seeing a view so clearly. This view is similar to the view on the ark but she could see everything in much more detail, she could see children playing at what Clarke though must be the school, could see the crowded streets, and could see the people of Polis completing their everyday life. She saw a complete new way of the grounders. Perhaps the grounders are not always war driven, well most of them anyway. She heard footsteps behind her, knowing Lexa had joined her own the balcony too.

"Life's not away the same during peace, Clarke. We're different during the little amounts of peace we have." Lexa stated, also looking out. Specifically watching the children play on the field next to the school.

"I know." Clarke stated.

"Perhaps you can trust me into helping you Clarke, trust me when I say the actions I take in war are not the actions I'll take during peace."

Clarke knew Lexa had to make the decisions in war with her head, but the betrayal didn't hurt any less.

"This doesn't change the feelings I have Lexa. You hurt me." Lexa knew she had hurt the blonde, she had hurt herself in the process too.

"I know." Lexa replied. She knew all too well. She just hated seeing the look in Clarke's eyes, everyday she's been with her. The look of hurt broke Lexa, Clarke's eyes said it all. She didn't really have to say anything because Lexa knew. The dynamics between the two, were almost remarkable. Both could read each other by a shared look. Although, it was more difficult for Clarke to do so. Lexa was a little more hard to read but Clarke could do so just from spending time together.

"I want you to stay here." Lexa said, letting the silence between them break.

"Why? There must be room for me to have a room to myself?" Clarke hadn't meant to be offensive but she saw the hurt from the commander's eyes. She had to clear it up, "I don't want to be a burden." The blonde admitted in a smaller voice.

"You are not a burden Clarke. I invited you here, I want you here." The commander also admitted. She hadn't been used to being so vulnerable, opening admitting her wants and feelings but she let herself be Lexa, not fully Lexa but glimpses of the girl she was before war and before becoming commander. All because of the blonde stood next to her. Clarke smiled as she continued to look out at distance, she couldn't see the Sky camp and wondered how far she had walked off and was from the her friends and family.

"Come Clarke, you must be hungry." Clarke didn't know how Lexa new her so well, she was almost always right. She knew the commander could read her easily. Lexa turned away and headed indoors, with the sky princess following.

"Join me for dinner?" The commander asked. Clarke nodded and continued to follow Lexa to her table. Lexa shouted in trigedasleng to her guards.

Food hadn't taken too long to arrive, as the guards walked in and placed 6 plates of food in front of the girls.

"A three course meal?" The blonde smirked at the commander, it was almost a date with a candle on the table for light. The brunette nodded as if she didn't expect anything less. Once the girls had finished their food, Clarke sat back. She was pretty sure her stomach had shrunk after being in the forest for weeks. It was Lexa's turn to smirk, as she watched Clarke's reaction after demolishing the three plates of food. Clarke yawned and stretched as she looked at the commander. She liked Polis, but she couldn't help but feel guilty as she thought of her people who were probably struggling for food to survive in the winter. Her people couldn't hunt, they couldn't survive on berries all winter.

"We have a meeting to attend to tomorrow, Clarke. With the clan leaders about our alliance and where you are placed within this coalition." Clarke nodded, perhaps she could bring up the matters of survival in the winter for the sky people.

"We'll talk about your people and their matters of survival tomorrow, Clarke." How did she know what Clark was thinking, she had never failed to surprise the blonde.

"Now rest, Clarke." Clarke rose and walked to the bed with no restraint against sleeping.

"Where are you sleeping?" The blonde asked.

"On the floor."

"You're not sleeping on the floor while I sleep in your bed, Lexa. You're sleeping next to me." Lexa wasn't complaining, when she slept next to Clarke, she had the best amount of sleep in a while. Clarke made her feel more at ease. Lexa joined the blonde and snuggled more closely than they have before, Clarke didn't protest and Lexa enjoyed being so close to Clarke as well as the girl's scent. Clarke, instead felt Lexa fall asleep before her. Even with the girl fast asleep, she still felt safe. She moved closer into the brunette, who's arm unconsciously looped around the blonde's waste. Clarke smiled, maybe she could get better.

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Thanks for reading guys! Until next time!


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